The Routine (08.16.10)
A load of people have been asking me what the day to day life is here so I will make an effort to succinctly answer those questions here.
I wake up in the morning whenevs that god damn rooster crows, usually around 5:30 and role about in bed till let’s say 6:30 at which time I arise and unzip my bug hut. At this point I have an argument with approximately 30 mosquitos as to whether the blood pulsing through my veins belongs to me or to them. (Technically it would be pulsing through my arteries and only returning to my heart via my veins, but that is a long convoluted story of fact.) I usually win this argument by smashing the shit out of those little shits, I than walk outside to take my business call in the outhouse. After a successful business meeting I fill a bucket with water and proceed to throw water all over my body and cover it in soap than repeat said process of throwing water everywhere on body. People in America commonly refer to that part of my day as showering. After this I go inside and eat my egg and oatmeal (breakfast is the best mother fucking meal of my mother fucking day.) Sometimes for breakfast we fry spam, onions, and plantains which are shockingly exquisite. After breakfast I walk to sessions where a number of people yell “whiteman” at me and I respond with a “hello, how da body?” I get to sessions which now consist of teaching in the morning. I go blow some kids with some biology, or if I don’t feel like teaching I give them a quiz. A quiz is a teacher’s best friend, I have been teaching a little over a week and I already know that. After that I go eat some food which generally consists of a leaf of some sort in loads of oil over rice. After class I come home and jam to something awesome like Conor Oberst, Tom Petty, or The Beatles and lay on my mat destress, relax, and have a deep think. This week I have been thinking about the moat. Like who was the first man to think to himself “man I am building this castle, but I need to step it up a notch, I mean huge walls just are not enough anymore, but HOW!? MY GOD I GOT IT! I will dig a big canal all around this castle, I mean who the fuck is gonna wanna try to swim across that. Yea that’s it a giant body of water surrounding my castle will surely keep everyone one out.” Than I move to the next logical step in my thought process, what did the first person who ever saw a moat think, and I think it went something like this “alright guys you know the drill, we go knock down the walls to castle, we rape, we pillage, and we claim that shit for ours. Is that clear with everyone? Alright anyways get your knight shit on…o wait what the fucking fuck is that!?! Does anybody else see this!?! There is a big thing of water! Does anyone know how to swim, cause I sure as shit don’t! I mean is that even legal, who the fuck does that! Well fuck this, I mean I know how to knock down walls, but get across water, that is just not in my job description. Well lets head home.” And the moat went on to be the bane of existence for many a great conquer. After this thought process is done, I usually go eat some dinner which again consists of some sort of leaf in loads of oil over rice. After dinner I blow my families mind with some American music, usually it is the afore mentioned Conor Oberst, and Beatles. I am making them huge here mostly because my host dad is the radio station manager so I’ll be bumping them over the radio waves shortly in Liberia. After that I make sleepy and by make sleepy I mean I go lay in bed and fall asleep for 30 minutes before being woken up by some ridiculously crazy mefloquin dream. And that kinda sums up the day. So just to be clear and mostly because I am bored I will put this into clear cut headlines.
Bathroom time.
Dooking: It’s in a hole in the ground.
Showering is from a bucket.
Transportation.
It’s packed usually 7 or 8 deep in Toyota corolla on bumpy dirt roads. If your kidneys don’t hurt something fierce afterwards it’s because you were lucky enough to sit next to someone with a soft body (fattie.)
Communication.
Shockingly awesome, I have a cell phone and occasionally when the gods smile upon me I can get internet. Mail does not exist here though.
Sleepy time.
I sleep in a tent on a mat on a cement floor, it is as glamorous as I make it sound. When I wake up in the middle of the night (which again is frequently) I can turn my headlamp on and usually see about 35 mosquitos, 12 roaches and 2 mice trying to get at me. Sometimes when I wake up there all having a meeting on what is the best way to get inside and get me, that or they play poker. Needless to say I love my god damn bug hut.
Food.
If it doesn’t have rice, oil, fish and some sort of leaf in it, it aint food mother fucker.
Recreation.
Reading, writing, staring at a wall, kicking it with the totally rad locals, haggling for things in the market, looking at the amazingly beautiful scenery that is all around me, sleeping, staring at the ridiculously awesome stars, and finally training my herd of vipers so I can ride them everywhere I go.
Weather.
It is either hot as shit, or raining, those are the options.
I hope this clarifies any questions that had existed about my life in this totally awesome country. Please feel free to facebook me any follow up questions and clarifications and i will answer them. As I know this will be a question, yes it is still my lifelong goal/dream to die by fighting a bear that has tried to eat an entire orphanage of children. Did I mention this bear and I are falling into a volcano? No, I didn’t? Ok well now I did.
O.R.S. is god. (08.18.10)
O.R.S. (Oral Rehydration Salt) = Greatest thing ever! It’s like super Gatorade but salty. Last night was the birthday and what a birthday it was. This morning I was realizing there are certain days of the year that I just inherently hate. These days would be August 18th, November 1st, January 1st, March 18th, and July 5th. I mean for some odd reason that I just have not been able to put my finger on I never ever feel good on those days. I spend the whole of those days wishing I was not doing what I was doing but was rather in bed. Anywho back to birthday thing. So last night I hung out with some of my friends IN AFRICA, I don’t think I will ever get sick of saying that. We sat about and bumped Imagine and the Willy Wonka song on the stereo. I gotta tell you, if you are ever feeling blue, or just want to have a good mother fucking time bump dat Willy Wonka song tru dem speakas! My awesome birthday gifts were ketchup, mustard ( a year past expiration date), a plastic cup (this will be utilized in the bucket bath, so now rather than splashing water all willy nilly about my body I have systematic cup showering routine.) I also found and bought myself some tuna. BOOM!
Other news in the week: So the other day I was sitting on my back porch reading The History of Nearly Everything, which is a great book, anywho whilst sitting there getting my read on a woman came up to me and started to have conversation. After a few moment of pleasant and normal conversation she randomly exclaims “I want to bone a whiteman.” Well needless to say I was entirely caught off guard and a brief moment of gahbah WAH!?!? Before calmly responding with something to the effect of “well ma’am I cannot oblige you in this case.” After which I calmly closed my book, walked inside and continued to read in the safety of fortress of solitude otherwise known as my bug hut. Come to find out later she did not actually say bone but rather born, which is a pretty common term here. Anywho that was bit odd, but I mean I can understand, after all I am hottie with da body to the ten thousandeth power. Generally speaking however my conversations with Liberians do not drift this weird way and are generally quiet pleasant.
I also swallowed for the first time this week. Stop! Stop having that dirty thought this instant you sicko! I am talking about GB, a local food here that is made of pounded up cassava. You take this, roll it into small balls, roll it around in the slippery soup (yes it really is called the slippery soup) than swallow it. It’s really quiet tasty, it has joined the ranks of pepper soup and jolof rice in delicious things in Liberia. Anways people love to swallow here, and they have no problem telling you that they love to swallow, which I gotta say I don’t think I will ever be able to hear without giggling just a bit. And no I am not making this up, I could not making something this hilarious up.
There was an emo party this week on the back porch of Doe Palace, much Dashboard Confessionals was played and I seriously considered giving my self slanty bangs for brief moment. Thankfully the emo was turned off before any truly terrible decisions could be made. There is something entirely hilarious about bumping shitty white boy emo in the middle of Africa, it pleases, it pleases me greatly.
Anywho as promised these blog post will be more frequent, which means not as large of chunks will be posted, but if you still want to read my posts only in large chunks than just don’t log on to my site all the damn time. It’s really not that hard and everyone is satisfied.
Please enjoy the ability to place an order for a delicious pizza and have it delivered to your door. This is like the greatest thing ever about America. I mean you don’t have to do anything and you still get pizza! What is not to like about that, I mean you sit there and 30 to 45 minutes later there is just a pizza in your lap. God bless the laziness and ingenuity that leads to our laziness.
No comments:
Post a Comment