hey my leg is all orange!

Home (08.30.10)
We have made it to River Gee. As an important note I have a roommate now. They literally informed me of this on swearing in day, I mean they actually just put it into President Sirleaf’s speech to all of us I think it went like “blah blah blah development, blah blah blah American and Liberian relations, blah blah blah Tj you have a roommate now.” Anyways at first I was upset to get a roommate because I had my heart set on being alone out here, than we got to our village and realized how shitty it would be to be totes alone out here and was instantly pleased to have a roommate, plus the dude has oreos, so we will at least be friends until his double stuffed stash runs out.
Anyways the finishing drive out to site was as to be expected, bumpy and rainy, though the one surprise was when our driver let out a powerful stinker. Matt and I instantly looked at each other in blame via the side mirror of the car only to realize that our driver had pulled a fast one on us, or rather I should say he farted and stunk up the whole fucking car even with windows down. I mean really hats off to the man because that my friends is some powerful flatulence. It is good to be home in the rainforest, and it’s good to not be the only white dude at home in the rainforest. However, I did just wake up to a fucking mouse trying to get at my god damn skittles, got out of bed in a flash and brought that bag inside the mosquito net with me. Out here these skits are like gold man, fucking GOLD! Which reminds I better go check on the double stuffed oreos. But, also now that we are in the rainforest we must watch out for the vaunted cassava snake! Fo real’z this snake (at least in myth) is built up to be more mother fucking terrifying than a god damn dragon, I mean if I had to pick between slaying one it would be the dragon, as a side note if I had to pick between riding one it would also be a dragon, unless I get a carpet of cassava snakes, for some reason I really like the idea of riding a carpet of poisonous snakes. Anyways back to the myth of the CS, this mythical death beast of doom is the most terrifying thing you have ever heard of, seriously, I mean if you were scared of pussy ass shit like alligators, black widows, or carnival carneys, I would not even go on reading this because you, similar to me will not sleep for weeks! So onto the terrifying attributes of the CS: 1. It has horns, ooo and not just horns mother fuckers but POISONOUS DEATH BRINGING HORNS! 2. This thing sits in running water with its mouth open just waiting to bite you! On a Sunday afternoon this snake aint at home knitting a quilt for its grand kids, nope its lurking in a puddle mouth gaping waiting to take your life. Needless to say this mother fucker needs a serious attitude readjustment, but unfortunatelyJCVD is not here to punch it right in the fucking face (JCVD punches a snake right in the fucking face in the previously mentioned movie Hard Target). 3. This snake builds WEBS, its like the spider man of snakes! So not only does it have horns and always have it mouth open in puddles, it builds fucking WEBS! I mean who knew that snakes could even build webs! But the cassava snake can, I mean at this point I think the cassava snake can probably fucking teleport, but wait it gets even better! EVEN IF YOU KILL IT, IT WILL STILL KILL YOU, or something close to it! Seriously if you chop its head off, the head will spring at you and bite you which results with you on the floor dead as shit in like 1 minute. Or if they head cant spring at you, it will spring at the nearest thing like a tree and bite that and the kill the fuck out of some poor tree who wasn’t even involved in the argument to begin with. Finally saving the best for last, thankfully the snake cannot fly, but don’t worry folks it can soar. So it cant fly like some kind of bullshit animal, no it soars like a hardass animal should (ie bald eagle). This is why I don’t sleep at night, I sit here just waiting for the cassava snake to teleport into my tent and bite this shit out of my bitch ass.
I also cooked this last week, for 26 fucking people and let me tell you that shit was fucking hard dude. Seriously cooking for 26 people is hard in America but here, cookin on coal fires its ridiculously hard. Its so fucking hard that I cant even come up with a clever analogy for American cooking vs Liberian cooking. Seriously hats off to the people (woman and children) who cook everyday here on coal pots, it hot as shit, it takes forever, and you are defs gonna burn the shit out of your hand, at least Garrett, Ken and I all did. Anways after 6 hours of sweaty, choppy, cooking goodness we blew some Liberian minds with American food, so it was all worth it.
Alright I gotta try to go back to sleep because tomorrow I gots to get back in the taxi cab and head to the ‘Dru on a day trip to take of some bidnass, and than come back and start planning for schoolio! Also my computer is running low on batteries, so until I find some way to charge this bitch there might not be blog posts for awhile.
Also as a side note, to all my friend going back to Regis tomorrow Have fun! And I miss you all so much! I am so sad I cant be there this year, but I mean I am kinda busy educating children and fighting cassava snakes.