The great debate. (08.19.10)
For centuries, nay! Eons man has debated what the greatest, most influential invention has been. They debate the greatest and not the shittiest for two reasons the way I see it 1. Who really gives a damn what the shittiest invention is, I mean honestly what good does that do us? 2. We already know what the worst invention is, it’s the fucking shamwow. ITS JUST A GOD DAMN TOWEL! And its not even a good towel and some coked out tongue biter hawks it at you. I mean it wasn’t even hawked by the great B-Mays (RIP). Anywho sorry about the Shamwow rant, I just hate that god damn thing. Anyways, many people have said obvious things like fire, or the wheel. Yea those are cool and they are useful I mean who doesn’t love being warm and cooking shit and for the wheel well I love rolling things myself. Others say the airplane, or the telephone, again great, especially for the connectivity aspect of this world and yet still others say modern medicine or the internet has claimed the greatest invention in the history of the world. And yet other hornier people will say the fleshlight, although there vote also goes to internet for obvious gross reasons so they cancel each other out. Well folks I say shenanigans and bullshit to all of those! The greatest invention ever made in this world is the shower cup! I just got one for my birthday and I gotta tell you it has redefined not only the way I shower, but the way I see the world. I mean no longer do I just have to splash water on my body. NO! I have become civilized! I am living in the fucking future, and the future is a beautiful cuppy place! All of you who have “indoor plumbing” and “hot” water, ITS garbage, shower with a cup and then get back to me. Once that first glorious bit of cuppy cold water pours over your head it’s like staring god right in the face but better. Mmm the shower cup.
As far as why people don’t chew GB, I don’t really know, you just don’t and you don’t ask questions. Just swallow. Someone should put that on a T-shirt.
It’s me and the moon and 1 million Liberians. (08.20.10)
Did you know that one of the advantages of being an asexual plant was that you just had to spread your sperm on the egg? Or for that matter that plants made eggs? Yea well they do, I just found that out today from one of my students.
Well just another day of emo and Africa. Except this time it’s Something Corporate, god I love going back to high school via music. So as I sit here watching the rain fall for the 300th day in a row I am pondering on how to improve the game of baseball. I mean its still happening right now, they are still playing a god damn season of that fucking game, that’s just too much. So here is my advice, 1. Shorten the fucking season down. 2. (My preferred solution) Introduce fireball. Fireball might be the very concept that saves not only the game of baseball but the world. So for just one pitch for either team a game you light a baseball on fire. Now I know what you are thinking, a flaming ball going 90 miles an hour is pretty cool, but it’s not enough to make me watch 4 hours of bullshit! Well my answer to that is to also dowse both the bat and the all the baseball gloves in gasoline, thus providing enough flaming objects to entertain anyone! I mean people watch hours of people going really fast in circles to see one crash, which proves my point that all people really want is fire and danger. Fireball answer this question, quite reasonably I might add. As a side note the hitter would be allowed to hold on to the flaming bat as he rounded the bases to ward off any defenders with fiery hands of baseball mitt doom! And just for shits the bases are shooting off fireworks! Now tell me you wouldn’t watch that sport.
So next week is swear in day, one week from today I will become an official Peace Corps Volunteer instead this weak ass trainee shit and my goodness gracious am I excited. I mean it’s not a big deal or anything but word has it that we are getting sworn in by the president of the country. But I mean really it’s not a big deal, I mean I am sure you got sworn into your job by the president of some country as well (Just to clarify the Canadian prime minister most certainly does not count, cause lets face it, Canada is not a country). I am also singing America’s national anthem for this event, I am trying to think of someway to incorporate fire into this as well, seeing as fire is my theme this week. Let me know if you get any ideas.
The TIA teeter totter. Post is not for light of tummy. (08.21.10)
What is the TIA teeter totter? Well you asked. The TIA teeter totter as I like to call it where you sit down to, let see how do I put this not crassly, hmm well its where you shit down and crap your brains out, than stand up and vomit your brains out. No? To crass? OK let’s try this, its where you sit down and piss out your ass, and then stand up and lose your insides via your mouth? Better? No? Well fucking deal with it. You go up and down and do this constantly all day, its really not very fun. But two good things I learned from it are as follows. 1. Regurgitating tuna is as gross as its sounds. I mean really its fucking awful, I can think of a number of things I would rather vom up than tuna and one of those would be hot mother fucking coals. 2. There is a plant here that when you touch it, it shrivels up (think Avatar, cause its like one of the plants in that movie, except more green than blueish and glowy) well anyways I was puking on these plants and making them shrivel up and it made me feel like an alien from the movie Aliens. By that I mean it made me feel like I had acid spit and was killing these plants with awesome acid vom. God it’s a powerful feeling. It makes puking fun, seriously. Ok well not fun, but as least I get a giggle. Now you are asking yourself did he really just write an entire entry about shitting and puking. Yes and the more important question is did you really just read it? You did if you are reading this sentence, now who is gross? On the other plus side at least I made it this far without getting sick. Hooray! It had to happen eventually I suppose.
I would love to sleep tonight, but that’s not gonna happen because it is still raining here, if I were to name this season I would call it the rainy season. Anyways my roof is made of tin, so when it rains it sounds like Bo fucking Jangles is tap dancing up a god damn storm on my roof. So much so that I will occasionally ratchet up from bed in the middle of the night in a cold sweat and yell “god damn it Bo Jangles give it a fucking rest!” Then I realize it’s the rain, and I just lay there with that fucking song stuck in my head.
Other than the sickness and the no sleepy, life is great here, Africa is still beautiful, the Liberian people are still awesome and next week I move to site. Life is happening folks, it’s happening every day and it’s rather fun to participate in.
Well the clients are calling so its back out to business office (shit shack).
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