We are number 1!!!!

We’re number 1! We’re number 1!...in corruption.. (cue in Prices Right fail music.)
A week ago some international watchdog organization, I don’t know which one, one of the important ones I suppose because people have been making large deal about, voted Liberia number 1 in corruption in the world. That’s right, we beat out the mighty Nigeria to hold the number one spot in corruption. Now in general speaking I love being number or the best, that’s why I love Jayhawk basketball, but in this case it kinda hurts. I mean we beat out Nigeria, really, that country has been stealing, or trying to steal, my credit card information for years. Nigeria has just gotten lazy in corruption I guess, or more stringent on their anti-corruption laws. It depends on how ya wanna look at it. I prefer they have gotten lazy and we have won! Good on us! Anyhwo the best part does not stop with us being number one in corruption the best part comes right here: of all the sectors that are corrupt in the country, police, health, finance, everything, EDUCATION is number 1. Education is the worst, the most corrupt part of this country. So in the most corrupt country in the world I work in the most corrupt sector. That fills me with all sort of something that is the opposite of happiness and pride. Needless to say this country needs work, but have no fear I am on the job! O shit this country is in trouble…

In other news I have gone America all over this countries ass today! And while this has nothing to do with corruption or my fighting of it, it makes me happy. Today I started my day by waking up at 10:30! Boom! Now that’s some fucking sleeping in bitches! After I arose from bed I scooted on my trust chacos and made for the door. I walked out in the blasting furnace that is the December heat of Liberia and headed for the grocery store. I walked past several street vendors all yelling random insults, and or kind comments trying to get me to look their varied goods, I passed by them and walked down a short side street onto the sidewalk to has been permanently sullied black as satans soul by the selling of coal. I smile at the 20 woman selling coal trying to get the $1.25 a day most Liberians live on and keep on rocking to the grocery store (while we are number 1 in corruption we are only number 8 in poverty, with countries like Somalia, Mali, and number 1 Niger beating us out). As a side note coal pots is what majority of people cook there food on in this country, so coal is a huge market, I mean they sell more coal than America sells porn, but only because most people in America are getting there porn free on the internet these days. Anywho after reaching my destination that is the grocery I proceeded to order a delicious toasted sub sandwich (ala Quiznos), than I bought a Dr. pepper that’s right the mother fucking 23 flavored soda pop with a degree of the highest education, and also found the Dr’s good friend, the king of beers Budweiser! I found the king in the country and while in America I am a banquet beer man (only a man drinks from the yellow can) I will admit that Bud is the most American American mans beer there is. I of course bought it to accompany the rest of my American celebration. I went on to find a jelly donut and a slim jim. (Snap into a slim jim! Do you guys ever wonder what happened to macho man randy savage?) I came back to my little monk cell in the convent and proceeded to crush on the food and beverages until my belly hurt from over eating. In case you are wondering over eating in a country where most of the people are living on $1.25 (83.9% live in poverty, with 83.9% living on a $1.25 a day info courtesy of Oxford University) a day does make you feel like shit, big time, but sometimes I gotta embrace my americaness to stay sane, even if it makes me a dick rod. Stop judging me, STOP IT. And while all the food items really did a lot for boosting my americaness meter it really gets topped out by the fact that last night I was sitting at a Liberian bar listening to We are the World (god I hate that fucking song) and watching WWE wrestling. As an important note WWE wrestling isn’t even dudes wrestling anymore it’s just large chested woman in skimpy outfits rubbing their titties and ass all over each other, which I thought we already had we just called it a strip club? But all the same here is toast to WWE for taking the degradation of woman to the national level! I mean nobody wants to watch sweaty dudes in underwear grope all up ons each other, but woman, well yes please and thank you! I gotta say that the woman thing was not my favorite part, because it was not the most American part, my favorite part came in the form of the audience. Aw let me tell you it was so refreshing to see 300 pound fatties (sometimes I wish I could use their big tummies for a bed, I bet it more comfortable than a water bed, but way more smelly) eating junk food watching mind numbingly stupid “sports.” I am guessing that WWE tickets are not cheap either so god bless them for spending their welfare checks to get front row for this high class form of entertainment rather than providing for the children’s education. Ew I just realized I bought nacho flavored slim jim, god its fucking gross, but I will keep eating based on principle and pretend to enjoy it. God I am drenched to the point of dripping in american goodness! U! S! A! This will probs be my last for 2010 so enjoy the last few days of the year! And we will talk again in 2011.